threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize