The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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