Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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