I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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