I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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