please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize