Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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