Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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