i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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