Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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