i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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