all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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