so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize