I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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