I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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