oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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