I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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