Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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