He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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