Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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