she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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