My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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