we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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