Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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