Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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  (303): Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent. http://tfl.nu/g68o
  Replies (7) Good night (1432) Bad night (3721)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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  (214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18
  Replies (9) Good night (3243) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina

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  (408): He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina http://tfl.nu/ro7i
  Replies (27) Good night (849) Bad night (8600) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  she fell through a window trying to flash someone

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  (708): she fell through a window trying to flash someone http://tfl.nu/c9dp
  Replies (12) Good night (4309) Bad night (1463) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.

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  (315): She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts. http://tfl.nu/f020
  Replies (10) Good night (1885) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did I wake up holding food tongs?

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  (570): Why did I wake up holding food tongs? http://tfl.nu/i1yj
  Replies (6) Good night (1649) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?

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  (914): Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/y5jw
  Replies (8) Good night (1989) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

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  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (1306) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.

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  (952): You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning. http://tfl.nu/mwji
  Replies (3) Good night (402) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out

  (1-925): View more from California

  this was your mom?

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  (925): she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out (1-925): this was your mom? http://tfl.nu/x3f7
  Replies (4) Good night (1245) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.

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  (248): Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/s4gv
  Replies (7) Good night (1156) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

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  (919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x
  Replies (19) Good night (2892) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out

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  (608): She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out http://tfl.nu/4oi1
  Replies (4) Good night (376) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're a good friend.

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  (770): I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that. (1-770): You're a good friend. http://tfl.nu/ln0z
  Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (220)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.

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  (208): Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order. http://tfl.nu/2umc
  Replies (3) Good night (245) Bad night (409)

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