So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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