Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize