you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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