I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This toilet bowl is my home.
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