i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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