you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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