I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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