We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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