the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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