so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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