I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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