You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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