I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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