I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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