you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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