you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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