just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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