That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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