I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
smell my finger.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize