I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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