It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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