peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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