I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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