my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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