Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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